Bruce Lansky What’s the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole? Bruce Lansky My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf. Bruce Lansky I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing. Bruce Lansky "I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." Bruce Lansky "Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off." Bruce Lansky The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray. Bruce Lansky My physchiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time. Bruce Lansky Never putt until the cup stops moving. Bruce Lansky I don’t think I’ll live long enough to shoot my age. I’m lucky to shoot my weight. Bruce Lansky Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf has more cheaters than any other game. Bruce Lansky Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I’d rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder. Bruce Lansky On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied. Bruce Lansky The main problem with keeping your eye on the ball is you have to take your eye off your opponent. Bruce Lansky Someone once told me that there is more to like than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. Bruce Lansky We learn so many things from golf- how to suffer, for instance.